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SDS

Jugalbhandi

I put a chair… in the corner of the basement, where I’d dance for you.

 

And whenever I’d touch the Earth and take my position in the centre of the floor, under the lights shining down on me, with the trees outside in my vision, the breeze blowing – I’d feel you come.

 

From whence you came, you would also return again…and take your place on the chair in front of me.

 

My Guruji.

 

And I,

 

Your Shakti.

 

And I’d play this music and I would dance…

 

I would dance for You

 

Guruji,

 

because you were also

 

my Shivji.

 

Graceful movements, pirouettes and twirls, leaps across the room and I’d begin to spin and spin and spin around the centre that was You.

 

You – standing in the centre of the room and I’d twirl around, and around, and around you – and only You.

 

You in Your black robes,

 

You were my centre.

 

They say in Chakkars, to maintain the central axis – or you’re sure to hurt yourself.

 

I did,

 

with You.

 

And you would be the centre of my movements whether in praise towards you, arms raised, surrender to you, arms in Namaskar, bow of my body in submission to You, soaring of my heart as I danced filled with pure joy – for You.  You my

 

Brahmaji,

 

You.

 

And this was the ecstatic dance of Saraswati Maa.

 

You – must always come when I dance.

 

Maybe that’s why I wasn’t allowed all this time.

 

But when I dance – you always know – and you come – from wherever you are to be with Me.

 

My Guruji.

 

Because my dance you see,

 

it’s You and Me.

 

Jugalbhandi.

 

You would train me for lifetimes, so many times I’d wake up in the night from seeing you, seeing you and me in a room like this and me in the centre

 

And 1,

 

And 1,

 

And 1,

 

Spin, Spin, Spin – do not stop.

 

And I’d play the music of my Mahadev and I would turn and turn and turn to the beat of your drum

 

the sound of your clap

 

the snap of your finger

 

I am You – and You are Me.

 

Around Me you’d walk in circles drilling me. 

 

And 1, And 1, And 1.

 

And they’d say,

 

You know He’s only so hard on you because

 

He believes so much

 

In You.

 

And the nightmare would pass, the charge released from my being, Light would come – and I’d sleep.

 

That – was me and my Guruji.

 

He is Everything – to Me.

 

Rasa Rachat Brij Mein

 

Nandalala…

 

He begins with the bols and I answer…

 

He sings and I twirl.

 

He sings the notes in his melodious voice becoming the harmony, from the inside out and I simply join in on His dance.

 

Like every other instrument that can’t help but join His Universal song out of the pure joy it brings us – my body

 

was his – is his

 

instrument as well.

 

Joining in on his melody –

 

bringing beauty to this

 

great Universal Musician’s

 

Harmonies

 

His melodies,

 

His Love that manifests from the inside out in his music – making us all feel his emotion, his pain, his love, his joy, his dance – how we all want to be a part of it…

 

His Rasa Leela…

 

When Shiva joined the dance as a female – it was only Me

 

In my True Form

 

His Radha..

 

His Shakti…

This Krishna… who is also

 

Shiva.

 

Rasa Leela.

 

That… is what we are.

 

Dha din din dha

 

My feet answer

 

Na din din dha

 

and I travel

 

Sa Re Ga Ma Sa

 

Da Ni Sa Ga Ma

 

hands twirl, expressions meld into the harmony

 

What does his voice

 

Look Like?

 

What does his clap sound like?

 

How does his snap

 

Manifest?

 

 As Me

 

Beauty

 

Shiva Dhan

 

A gift.

 

To us all.

 

What does the sky feel like?

 

Grace flows through me as I answer.

 

What are the trees singing of today darling?

 

Show Me?

 

My husband, he became

 

One day as well

 

As I spun right into Him as is my nature

 

My Guruji,

Brahma… Who is

 

Shiva.

 

And I… Saraswati.

 

I show him

 

Tatkars, Hastaks, Chakkars, Chaals,

 

Abhinaya

 

Show Me… How you love Me…

 

And I’d kiss Him

 

And the entire dance was contained in that One moment.

 

God… please bring me my Guruji.

 

I can’t dance the Rasa Leela without Him,

 

Without my Guruji.

 

And if I can’t spin – the world stops moving.

 

Driven by the

 

Love

of ShivShakti

 

Yoga & Dance.

 

Jai Maa  Har Har Mahadev

 

For my Brahmaji,

 

Jai Gurudev

 

The one

 

whose greatness already answered me

 

as I wrote this

 

read it back

 

and you’ll see.

 

♾️

 

-       SDS



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